Today feels like a lot of endings. Q4 is over, so this is my last blog on emotional resilience as part of an OKR. The year 2019 and subsequently the decade are both over. December flips the calendar back to January and it should feel like a fresh start, a clean slate.
The reality is that tomorrow will come, and aside from not going to work on a Wednesday it will feel like just another day. There is no magic spell that happens at midnight that will suddenly propel me into a new version of myself or a better head space or a luckier life.
As we are faced with so many endings that can feel sort of empty, I wanted to take a moment to remind all of us that true change and happiness can be gradual and that not feeling like a brand new shiny person on January 1 doesn't make you a failure. Not making New Year's Resolutions is not a failure. If there was only one thing that you take away from all of my musings this quarter, I would want it to be that the path to resilience and fulfillment looks different for everyone. You have to find what works for yourself!
With that in mind, I wanted to close out this year and this blog series with a couple of "non-resolutions" I am taking into 2020. I call them non-resolutions because I am not expecting any definite results here; I am not setting out any formulas or giving myself the pressure of hitting some numeric indicator. These are more like reminders for myself- touchstones that I can go back to when I start to feel like I am failing in some way or letting someone else down. Much of this has come from the research I've done into emotional resilience this quarter, but I also have gotten to know myself so much better in 2019 and that growth will probably be reflected in these non-resolutions also.
1) Love yourself the way you love your best friend.
When I was going through a particularly hard time earlier this year, I was struggling to find any value in what I was doing day to day. I felt like I was directionless, and I was being very hard on myself for not being more organized or motivated or inspired. I was expressing this frustration to my roommate, and she stopped me and said "hey. You've got to be nicer to my friend." If you can't find it within to be kind to yourself right now, stop for a moment and consider how you would treat a close friend or partner who was feeling the same way you are. Chances are you wouldn't belittle them or push them to be different- you would encourage them and speak life to them. You would make sure that you looked them in the eyes and made them understand that even when life is the pits you are on their team. As we head into a new decade, give yourself the benefit of the doubt and extend that same grace you would give those you care most about. You're worth it, and it's true. ♥
2) Get to the root of the feeling faster.
This is one of my biggest areas of growth from 2019 so I want to be sure to keep it top of mind in 2020! I'm practicing the CALM MO I wrote about in my last post and making a dedicated effort to try and understand my own emotional life better. By practicing being mindful of the things that make me happy and why they do, I am retraining my brain so that I can do the same when I am feeling sad or angry or stressed. I look forward to more and better results as I continue to be honest and transparent with myself about how I'm feeling and why!
3) Expectation is not a good motivation.
In fact it shouldn't really be in the equation at all. There are P L E N T Y of other reasons to do (or not do!) things. Life and all of the options available in it are rarely ever black and white boxes, so if you are faced with a decision on what to do, don't be afraid to approach it creatively. If you are given two options but can see a third one too- ask! The worst thing you will be told is no, and there is nothing lost in doing so. I am not talking about expectations of performance at work- I am talking about not being obligated to act one specific way just because a label has been assigned to you. There is no one right path, so make some choices that surprise yourself and enjoy the journey it takes you on.
Last but not least, I wanted to link a bunch of resources that I found helpful on this learning adventure. There are a bunch of links here, and most of the time one thing led to another and then another. I cannot recommend it enough to check out all the resource available on LinkedIn Learning. I hope this has been as helpful for you as it has been for me, and here's to a new year of growth!
26 Questions to Help Know Yourself Better
Developing Gratitude
In Praise of Gratitude (this was my favorite article!)
Learning How to Process Negative Emotions
Reasons Why You Make Bad Decisions
Mood Tracking Inspiration
BONUS: I tried to fill my mind with good things and not negative, so I flooded my social media feeds with helpful (or at the very least happy) content! Here are a few of my favorite and most uplifting follows on Instagram this year:
@heyamberrae
@ruthielindsey
@nathanwpylestrangeplanet
@studiodiy & her husband @jeffmindell
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As a prize for making it to the end, please enjoy this Baby Yoda because he's the real source of all joy, forever and ever.
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