We've already covered how to cope with the day to day stressors that accompany this job. It is not uncommon to have a bad day or even a bad week sometimes! If you need a refresher, check out my post on Vampires and how to overcome them. Today, however, I want to delve even deeper and look at negative emotions and how we can try to identify them and cope with them effectively.
As I often do, I feel it is important to say a few things before diving all the way in here: I am not a doctor, nor do I have any medical background. There are very real circumstances and conditions that may require more help than just trying to shift your mindset, and if that is the case then there is absolutely no shame in that! If that is your situation, please know that I am for you and with you and that this is not meant to be a slap in the face or a dismissal of those realities. These are merely some suggestions I can offer based on my own experiences and research.
Ok. Let's start by putting some parameters on what we are talking about! "Negative emotions" can be any emotion or sense that makes you feel uneasy or unhappy. Common iterations are fear, guilt, confusion, grief, embarrassment, jealousy, resentment, regret or self-pity. These are naturally occurring emotions that literally every human experiences, and yet we can still feel very isolated when we are experiencing them.
We tend to consider negative emotions to be dangerous. They can be brutal or painful, yes, but they are not the enemy. When we try to repress a feeling that we consider to be dangerous in some way, we are basically engaging in emotional warfare with ourselves. These feelings exist to help develop and refine us, not destroy us. Dr. Gregg Henriques notes that it is important "to understand that you have a 'heart' that is feeling things in your body and a 'head' that is narrating things."
Picture your "heart" and "head" on a teeter-totter. Your heart (i.e your emotions, feelings and gut instincts) is on one side and your head (logic, practicality and your personal narrator) on the other. A lot of interactions and experiences in our lives can be balanced out pretty naturally and they head and the heart keep each other in check. Negative emotions, however, can weigh heavier on one end than the other of the scale and try to pin it down, leaving the opposite helpless and stuck. We experience emotional difficulty is when we try to let one or the other take full control, especially when the side we want to be running the show is stuck on the up side of a broken see-saw. A vicious cycle can be created, for instance, when your emotions are overwhelming you but you try to let logic control it. You may end up feeling even more triggered, attacked or overwhelmed which in turn makes you crave even more control. Outside stress is just amplified when you add internal pressure to it! This works both ways, but part of learning to be our best selves means finding the proper balance between our heads and our hearts.
SO. What can we do when this spiral starts happening? The answer can often lie in mindfulness! Dr. Henriques recommends developing a "new meta" perspective. This means setting up some boundaries and expectations for yourself around negative feelings and how you relate to them before you are in the midst of them. By taking intentional steps to try and step outside of your first person experience and process your emotions and thoughts you can help yourself process your thoughts and feelings in a productive way. It's all about gaining perspective on your inner self by identifying your thoughts and feelings about your thoughts and feelings, hence the term "new meta." This is not to say that you will have some bunker mentality plan made up ahead of time that will help you stamp out negative emotion entirely. Rather, it means practicing your mindfulness in positive situations so that your neural pathways are trained to do so in times of stress as well. Consider using the acronym C.A.L.M.: Curious, Accepting, Loving, and Motivated.
When you start to feel an overwhelming emotion, start with Curiosity. Ask yourself a few clarifying questions about it! No matter how simple the answer may be, try to remain honest with yourself about why you are feeling a particular thing. As you are identifying the emotion you are experiencing, remember to extend yourself the same grace of Acceptance and Love that you would give to your best friend if they were in your shoes. Remember that you are only hoisting more stress onto yourself when one function tries to overtake the other, so give your self a break if you feel this happening; no need to exacerbate the issue. Lastly, remind yourself of your Motivations behind identifying what is bothering you. It is essential to your overall well being as a human, an employee, a friend, a partner, a family member... the list goes on.
When you can change how you choose to respond to tricky emotional situations you will start to see the fruit of a more balanced life start to bloom. You'll find yourself in a healthy and resilient place instead of n exhausted and overwhelmed one. Just remember that negative emotions are not the enemy and they exist to develop and not destroy you! You are amazing and your thoughts and feelings have value- remain C.A.L.M. and you'll find yourself carrying on in no time ♥
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