This week on the emotional resilience train we're talking gratitude! I have been pumped on this post for a few weeks now, ever since I realized that this topic could line up so perfectly with Thanksgiving. Before we dive in though, I want to mention two things:
First, I know that finding things to be thankful for can be easier for some people and harder for others. Life comes at us all differently and we all process it in our own unique ways. If this is something that does not come naturally or easily to you, there is no judgement here!
Second, we also all live seasonal lives- maybe you're having a mountain top moment and everything feels clear and wonderful, but maybe you're really walking through a valley of a truly sad or lonely or painful time. If that is the case, reading about how "easy" it is to try and be thankful can feel like a real sham, and I can't say that I would disagree if I was in a different place. This isn't meant to be a slap in the face, and if you know it would not serve your best interest or health to read it, please don't. ♥
Ok! Let's dive in! Gratitude is defined as "a feeling of appreciation or thanks." It is both a virtue AND a skill, which is a super important distinction to make. A skill is something that you work at to learn and often has specific applications. A virtue is a behavior that any given individual is more predisposed to and can be identified as such in any circumstance. This distinction means that being thankful and practicing gratitude literally comes easier to some people more than others, which is WILD.
Evolutionarily speaking, we as humans developed something called a "negativity bias" as part of our instinct to survive. It was very practical when we needed to identify threats to our physical well being on a more consistent basis- think dinosaurs and bears stalking us as prey. It's less helpful, however, when you're just stuck in traffic on I-5.
Ryan Englestad wrote that "people are more familiar with and focused on the obstacles holding them back instead of the resources enabling them to succeed." To be happy in general, this means that we've got to find a way to bring balance to the way we approach difficult situations in our lives. Being able to overcome obstacles, both professionally and personally, is a key part of becoming more emotionally resilient.
This is where gratitude comes in.
When we seek to investigate what is good in our lives, we are literally re-wiring our brains by creating new neural pathways. It certainly takes practice to be mindful of the good things we are surrounded by, and truthfully sometimes the things we "should" be happy for can be really irritating... this is because life is very rarely black and white. It can feel reductive to say "I'm thankful for my family!" when you are estranged from your brother, or "I'm grateful for my job!" when you're actually having a hard time even wanting to show up every day.
The key is not to rush yourself. If you are having a hard time thinking of things to be thankful for, start by just identifying the things that are neutral; not bad but not great, just normal. In the context of work, think of it as identifying obstacles that you encounter. If you're starting from the mindset of "I'm a failure," don't try to just fake it until you make it out. Instead, let yourself take baby steps in assessing the issues. You can use this handy flow chart if you like!
"I'm a failure" ➜ "There were identifiable reasons why I did not do as well as I wanted." ➜ "I am not fully pleased with this, but I can identify at least one success in this circumstance." ➜ "I am grateful to have had the opportunity."
Identifying things like this at work and being able to change your outlook on them will trigger success! When you are grateful for an opportunity or a situation you are more motivated to improve your standing within in. As we learned earlier from Ryan, humans can have a hard time seeing solutions when they are focused on problems. Use gratitude to start shifting your mindset off of issues and onto successes!
When it comes to practicing thankfulness in general, you have to find what works for you. Some of the most common things that people report using to improve their consciousness of good things in their life include keeping a journal, writing thank you notes or letters to meaningful or positive people, meditation or prayer, and making vision boards.
From personal experience, I can tell you that I have loved using the Happiness Journal that Ruby puts out. Not every item that I write down is equal to the others; it is possible to be thankful for your grandmother and jello at the same time. I found much more happiness to be found when I gave up trying to dig deep every day and only write down super profound things. There is SO MUCH joy to be found in the little things because they all add up. Also, consider the things in the past and future that you can be thankful for! You can draw from the memories of your past, the good fortune in your present, and the hopes you have for the future.
This week, as we celebrate Thanksgiving and are often perhaps asked to identify things we are thankful for, try to be specific. Get adjective heavy. Tell people how you feel about them, even if they may already know. Perhaps more importantly, tell yourself how thankful you are to be alive and take a few moments to just breathe in and savor it. Because no matter how you slice it, you're here! You're here and you have every opportunity to choose gratitude- but if you need a little help, I'm here for you too. ♥
"Acknowledge that there is goodness in your life, and then recognize the sources of the goodness and that they are partially outside the self." - Dr. Robert Emmons
If you're looking for more reading on gratitude and how good it is for you, check out some of these resources!
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