But for reals, who are you?
This is a question that I did not quite expect to run into on my research this quarter, but it did not take too much reflection for this query to make TOTAL sense in the grand scheme of things!
Lets back up. So far we've established that it is important to be emotionally agile at work (and just life in general TBH.) We have also learned that we can affect our day to day mental and emotional health by intentionally filling up our own bean buckets with simple and sustainable acts of self care. I've tried to be open ended in my suggestions because while I know what has worked for me, some of those things may not be your cup of tea! You are going to know best for yourself and can adjust, copy or ignore my tips accordingly.
What I've discovered, or perhaps assumed and taken for granted, is that you have to know yourself in order to help yourself. If you aren't sure of what will work to make you happy or what triggers you it can make navigating all of this so much more of an uphill battle. And! Sometimes there are things out of your control that affect your daily life that you may not even have words for! You can see why it becomes so central to your emotional well being and care that you really get to know yourself.
Oh, you need some more convincing? Well, buckle up then. Consider this concept just from the point of view of work. Ruby published a truly fascinating article on Linkedin Learning about the concept of "deep acting-" How to Manage the Hidden Stress of Emotional Labor. I highly recommend it if you have a few minutes to spare! Essentially, the article explains the difficult balancing act of working in customer service and how it can be difficult to reconcile your own personal beliefs and experiences against those of the people you are serving. Seriously, get into it if you can. All that to say, it is extremely stressful if you constantly feel like you are putting on a mask, especially if you feel like you are floundering on how to define who you are underneath it.
Knowing yourself better can help you choose a path that you will succeed in, and will help you have the confidence to tackle challenges that you will face on that journey. It will also make it easier for you to establish a healthy work/life balance by acknowledging how much you can handle in any given situation. Lastly, if you are confident in yourself you are much more likely to know your value to the organization you are in. You will be able to stand up for yourself and ask for what you need because you recognize that you ARE important and you ARE essential.
So how can you get to know yourself and gauge where you're at on the scale of self realization? There are lots of places to start. It may sound cheesy, but take a basic personality test. Let somebody else help you put words to why you are the way you are. I have experience with both Meyer-Briggs and the Enneagram, and I can say from experience that it is hard and wonderful all at once to find out that a test knows you so well. If you are looking for resources on either of those, let me know and I can point you toward some great content.
Journaling is another common practice in getting to know you. It is helpful to work through some prompts because it gives you a sense of direction and not just aimless wandering. Pick out some questions that challenge you or some where the answers don't necessarily come to you right away. There are countless blogs and articles with suggestions of questions, so I tried to narrow it down and put the list at the end of this post.
Pro Tip: Try going through the list on your own first, and then if you feel comfortable you can discuss the questions with a trusted friend or family member. Someone who knows you well and that you trust to be kind and honest with you. In my own life, I have found that my closest friends can often pin point something about me that I am blind to.
Before you start any of this, there are a couple things that you have to be prepared to do for the process to be most effective.
- You must be willing to be vulnerable. Put yourself in the head space and make yourself comfortable with confronting things about yourself that are scary or undesirable. Try and remember that every weakness or flaw that you identify is an opportunity for growth, and that every strength you have can also be a crutch. Nothing about you is perfect, and that is okay!
- You must be willing to be fully honest with yourself. If you are not going to tell yourself the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth then this exercise is pointless. Whatever you are going to discover or articulate through these questions deserves your full acknowledgement.
- You must be compassionate with yourself. YOU ARE NOT PERFECT. No one expects perfection of you either, and if they do then please see my previous post on vampires. Cut yourself some slack, and avoid the comparison game at all costs. This is about getting to know YOU, not anyone else, and that includes not measuring your life up against someone else's.
Now you may proceed.
Treat yourself with the same care that you would give your best friend. If you can be nice to them, then you can be nice to yourself too! And hey, in case you didn't already know, you deserve to be treated kindly. I hope that these questions can help you get to know yourself a little better and that it all points you toward self actualization and care!
And, just for continuity, lets end how we began. With Will Ferrell.
My heart to my brain when I take myself seriously:
Questions to ask yourself:
- What are my strengths?
- What are my short-term goals?
- Long-term goals?
- Who matters most to me- who are my support people?
- Am I an introvert or an extrovert- am I energized being around others or being by myself?
- What can I do to make my daily life feel easier?
- What "white lies" do I tell myself and others? Why?
- What do I want more of in my life? Do my short and long term goals support this desire?
- What can I celebrate about myself?
- Where can I invest in myself by learning or strengthening skills?
- What am I most grateful for in my daily life?
- Is there anything that I need to let go of?
- What do I want less of in my life? Do my short and long term goals support this desire?
- Do I make most decisions from a place of love or fear?
- Am I avoiding anything right now? If yes, why?
- Am I underestimating myself in any area of my life?
- What do I do to show myself self-compassion and self-care?
- How do I know that I am stressed?
- Is there an area of your life that you feel out of control?
- What is the last nice thing you did for someone else?
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